Redefining Language-Page 1 0f 4
Updated: April 12, 2009

I feel that language is one of the most effective and powerful ways we create our reality. Every word we speak seems to weave a spell. I’ve found that bringing more consciousness to the words I speak and write has been a huge support in creating a life I experience as much more fun and fulfilling.
As I began to be more conscious of the things I was saying, I started to look at the meanings of the words I was saying. I found some words I had always thought of as “good things” really weren’t supporting my happiness, and some I thought of as “bad things” really were more in line with what I felt as true. As I became more aware of how I was conditioned to think a particular way, I realized that even my ideas about “good” and “bad” were subjective and not necessarily coming from my soul. Also, as I became more sensitive I began to experience things that I found indescribable, even though I knew other people who had experienced similar things.
I began to see how language, and my relation to it, was a major part of my conditioning, and as I had decided to break away from my conditioning on the path to finding my true self, I needed to look very closely at the words I used. I saw how I had been giving up my power and my truth in much of what I said. The words were using me more than I was using them.
I began the process of looking very carefully at what words really mean. I also looked at what people really meant when they were talking to me. This became extremely valuable when I was in therapeutic relationship with someone. I found that if we agreed on some definitions much more clarity was possible between us. Then I found the same was true in personal relationships.
Changing my relationships to words became a major part of my path to freedom. It has also become a major part of how I work with people. If we are defining words the same way, and being careful of minimizing how they create an unconscious reality that does not support us, much more is possible in our interactions.
What I am going to do here is share what I have learned and what I am still learning. This will be a selective list of the words and phrases that I feel some clarity about. There will be additions and changes as I learn more. I, along with the people I am working with, have also begun to create new words that describe things we are experiencing that no words exist for. I find this very exciting. I hope you enjoy the list and that it inspires you to create your reality more consciously.

Anger- Anger has a bad reputation. This is because most people are very irresponsible with it. I find it just to be a quality of energy. It can be supportive or not depending on your relationship to it.
Most people repress their anger most of the time. This is the underlying cause behind many destructive behaviors. Sometimes people act out on their anger and this also frequently brings destructive results. Frequently people project their anger on other people or things. This is irresponsible.
What I find anger to be is an alarm that goes off in your system when you are not in line with your deepest truth. If you look at anger this way it becomes one of the most valuable tools in finding the way to your soul. The intensity of the energy that arises when you are not being true to yourself is exactly what is needed to break through the heavy conditioning that is guiding you to behave in ways that are not true for your deeper self.
Remember, your anger is always about you. Try to avoid the temptation of blaming someone or something else for what you are feeling. Play with looking at what is going on for you and finding where you are out of line with what is really true for you. Consider defining anger as an alarm that shows you that you are out of alignment with your deeper truth and you might become grateful to the people and situations that bring it up in you as they are helping you find more clarity within your self.

Angergy- Anger can be an incredibly supportive and powerful transformational energy when you are responsible with it. Many people who feel they are giving up their power are suppressing their anger, and they are suppressing their anger because they have been taught it is bad and can’t imagine how to be responsible with it. In our groups people frequently find the state of being responsible with the feeling of anger, and it is amazing to experience. It proved confusing to keep calling it anger so a woman in one group came up with the word angerji. So this is the word we use to describe responsible and supportive anger.

Attachment- Attachment is a major part of the relationship between parent and child. When we are born we are totally helpless and dependent. We become attached to those we feel we need for our survival. The parent has the tendency to develop attachment for the child as well. This is a powerful and useful part of human development.
This attachment that feels appropriate when we are children does not feel appropriate when we become adults. In our culture most people never get over this attached state. It actually seems that we are culturally encouraged to stay in this state. It is a large part of why so many people feel powerless and are so easily controlled.
The belief is very deep in our systems that we are dependent on another person and incapable of living by ourselves. This is true when we are children, but usually not true when we are adults. This attachment is the basis of much human behavior and emotion, very little of which is conscious or brings happiness. Many relationships, particularly romantic ones are based on attachment. One or both in the relationship will project a parent image on the other and become attached.
Attachment causes an empty feeling of dependence and loneliness. Most people do not want to feel this feeling and much of their behavior is done to prevent it. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, smoking cigarettes, having sex, eating, distracting entertainment and serial relationships are but a few of the many things we do to avoid the pain of attachment.
A challenging part of getting over attachment is that occasionally we get someone else to take care of us and we feel this emptiness leave for a period of time. Many people are driven by the quest for this feeling and base most of their decisions on trying to feel this way. Unfortunately the feeling that someone is taking care of you is usually brief and fleeting. Then we chase it over and over again.
To choose to come into our power, to be responsible adults, to fully enjoy our lives, requires that we let go of this desire to have some one take care of us, this belief that we are not enough on our own. This is a very hard decision and many people choose attachment over responsibility.
We all get to do whatever we want with our lives. I am frequently saddened to see people deny themselves, their truth, their souls, in pursuit of the feeling that someone else is responsible for their happiness. I would love to see our culture promote how wonderfully alive, self confident, and powerful we feel when we take full responsibility for ourselves, instead of glorifying the brief moments of happiness surrounded by extreme suffering that are common in attached relationship, and supporting all the self destructive behavior we indulge in to avoid this suffering.

Attraction- Attraction is a wonderful guiding force. It shows you where your opportunities are. There are two aspects though where people miss those opportunities.
One is that there is just as much potential in repulsion as in attraction. It is just the other side of the same wonderful guiding force. If you don’t like someone or something there is usually very valuable information in that. If you don’t like a person it is usually because they are doing something you want to do but don’t allow yourself to do, or they are doing something that you do that you judge yourself for. I have found there is great value in exploring repulsion.
The other way that people miss opportunity with attraction is assuming that it is about sex. I find that most attraction is rarely about sex. It is more that there is something for you or someone else to learn. As I said, it is about us being guided to the most appropriate places. I often see people not following an attraction they feel because the person they feel it towards doesn’t fit their idea of a sexual partner and thereby miss an opportunity. I also see people attracted to one another who put their attention on the sexual aspects of the relationship and miss what appears to be the real opportunity. I suggest you open your minds to the possibilities of attraction and repulsion and let them guide you to a deeper experience of your potential.

Bad- Frequently when I ask someone how they are feeling they tell me they are feeling bad. Bad is not a feeling. It is a judgment. If you choose not to like how you are feeling and resist it you will feel the resistance very strongly. This is what people call feeling bad. It would be more accurate to say, I’m resisting what I am feeling.”
On a broader scope, if you think something is bad or wrong, still remember this is a judgment most likely sourced in your conditioning. There is very possibly someone out there who thinks that what you think is bad is good. Open up for this and consider softening your relationship to good and bad.

Behavior- I find it useful to make a distinction between who people are and how they behave. Most people are very lost in ideas about who they are suppose to be and act out based on conditioning and fear. I have yet to meet someone who when they let go of their behavior is not an amazing and wonderful being. As I am with people I look for who they really are beneath their behavior and how I might support them to realize that. I suggest we don’t take behavior too seriously and not let it get in the way of us caring for one another.

Belief- In my years of working with people on physical, emotional, and mental issues I found that our systems have an incredible ability to self-heal. I found that there was frequently some aspect that was fixed or stuck that was causing the person to experience the disease or discomfort. I learned that if I could help the person to move this fixed place their system would move towards balance and the condition would frequently resolve. I saw that most people were a collection of fixed points and that everything around the fixed points had to organize around the parts that weren’t moving. The sum of these fixed points were the basis of the person’s experience of reality.
Beliefs are fixed points in the mental system. Over the years I came to find that most things people came to me to help them with were being caused by their beliefs. If I could support them to let go of the belief the condition would resolve very quickly.
Consider being conscious about what you believe to be true, or possible, or right, or good, or just, or the way things are. These beliefs are the foundation of your experience. Do you want to consciously create your reality or allow it to be dictated to you by what you have been taught?

Boredom- Boredom is the feeling we feel when we dissociate from anger. Remember that anger is the feeling that comes up when you are not in alignment with your truth, then whenever you feel bored look at what you are doing that is not what you really want to do. I find it much healthier to allow the anger, find what you are angry about and use the power of it to change the situation, than to spend time dissociating from the anger and feeling bored.

Boundaries- I define boundaries as pre-determined limits. Many people are quite attached to their boundaries and see them as very important. I see boundaries as supporting unconsciousness.
If you make up your mind now what you will and won’t do in the future it serves as a way to function without being conscious of what is happening in the moment. This may be a useful thing to do if you are going into a situation where it is very challenging to remain conscious. Ultimately though, I feel our potential is to be conscious of what is happening and choose moment to moment what is appropriate or inappropriate for us.
As I work with people I see over and over how we use the idea of boundaries to try to protect ourselves from feeling things we don’t want to feel. I have also come to see that these feelings are our life. So many people I work with are trying to create a sense of security and predictability by trying to create boundaries to keep their life away. It is a bit like standing in the ocean and trying to keep the waves from reaching the shore. This has a tendency to be a lot of work and not very effective.
There are many times when I see boundaries as very useful. Many people who were abused as children do not have much of a sense of self and creating strong boundaries can be useful in finding self-confidence. We can’t really find a strong “yes” to life until we are secure in our “no”.
And again, what I find is actually the safest and most alive, our highest potential, is to not allow our past to dictate our present, but to be conscious of what is going on in the moment and make our choices accordingly.